i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
