Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
