Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
