ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
