"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
