She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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