i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
