Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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