he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dignity is for republicans.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
