I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
