Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize