At least make sure they are 18
Why
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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