I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
