He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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