I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
