i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
