yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
