I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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