Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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