You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
