can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
