it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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