dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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