I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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