dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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