marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
