He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
