After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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