I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
