i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
