Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling

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(410): View more from Maryland

You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.

(1-513): View more from Ohio

She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.

(513): View more from Ohio

She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.

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(209): View more from California

Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.

(209): View more from California

And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.

(513): View more from Ohio

It has been happening a lot lately.

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(478): View more from Georgia

I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick

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(716): View more from New York

You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.

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