We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
