Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
