1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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