remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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