They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
