The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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