Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
