I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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