While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
