I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
