3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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