This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
