He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
