I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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