i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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