it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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