My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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