woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
