I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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