I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
