i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
