I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
