And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
