that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize