awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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