is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
