My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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