So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
