we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
