My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My balls are so social today.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
