My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
