How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
