every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm getting married
To pizza
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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