Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
