i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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