he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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