is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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