FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
