ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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