I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
