Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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