Got a toothbrush?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
