You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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