I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I still have a little drunk in my system
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
