Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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