I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
