Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
