Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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