I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
