Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
