So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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