Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just googled if crying burns calories
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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