My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
