i was born a porn star she said
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
