a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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