just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize