it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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