if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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