oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
