just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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