I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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