I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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