I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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