I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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