Are we in a gay sports bar?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
