I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
