I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
