My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
