you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
