I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
