ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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