You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
