get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He has the fingertips of a God
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