I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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