How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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