Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
